Are You My Boyfriend?

Perhaps I've been single for too long, or perhaps it's a simple case of the winter cuddles, but my switch has definitely been flicked back into "boyfriend" mode. Those of you who have been reading closely are most likely thinking "um…fucking duh!" But I have only just recently admitted this to myself and I'm kinda having a rough time with it so I'd appreciate it if you bear with me.

It's not the thought of coupling that I have a problem with. I acknowledge the pros and cons of being single or in a relationship, but I don't think one is better than the other. The problem is that I don't particularly like myself when I get into my boyfriend-hunting zone. I lose at least 50% of my ability to function in society, because every time I see an attractive man who might be just a little bit gay I find myself wondering if he could be my next BF. When I do find one that shows the slightest trace of mutual interest, I find myself trying to fit us together like two puzzle pieces that don't line up. One would think that I could just stop, but the behavior is entirely reflexive and I usually don't know I'm doing it until I've already made an utter twat of myself.

I'm pretty clueless with boys across the board, but I would rather be sexually frustrated to the point of mental instability and end up alone with my hand at the end of the night than be desperately trying to emotionally shackle myself to the first willing victim, mainly because sex is much easier to regret than a relationship. In most aspects of life I share Miss Frizzle's mentality: "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!" But when it comes to dating, I'm terrified of being the heartbreaker, which is probably why I don't go on many dates.

I would always like to have a boyfriend, but I don't want to get one simply because my brain has tricked itself into thinking that it's missing a person-shaped limb...and I certainly don't want one who would find me charming in this state.

I gotta calm down.

In other news, this article is absolutely terrible.