January 18, 2013

You Owe Your Lives to Vaginas

On any other day I would much prefer to hack my wrists open with a spork than repost anything involving Davey Wavey, but I feel like this video-gone-viral deserves attention, and mostly not in the good way.

Ew, gross! Vaginas! Amiright? No, no I am not right. For as long as I've been an active homosexual, gay boys have considered it cute to emphasize how repulsive they find the female reproductive system, as if fighting off some internalized heterophobia. They used to have to pretend they found penises abhorrent, and now that they're out, they've pulled a 180 and have to make sure nobody gets the wrong idea AGAIN.

Hey, I used to do it. In my youth, I thought it was absolutely hilarious and original to behave as if breasts, ovaries, and labia were my kryptonite and would cause me to spontaneously combust if I at least two layers of fabric were not between us at all times. But no, it is neither funny nor original. Every homo does it and it's stupid.

And not only that... Do you have any idea how it feels to be told your genitals are ugly? If you're the type of gay boys who surrounds yourself with other gay boys and nobody else so you're all in agreement that cock is delicious, maybe you don't. But since coming to work in a sex shop and seeing people constantly laughing at our soft packs, cockslapping each other with them, putting them on their nose, etc.,  I realize that it's both immature and actually rather hurtful. My penis is pretty, whether erect or flaccid, and the same goes for vaginas in whatever state they are in.

Also, thanks to burlesque, I have met many bare vaginas in person, and you know what? They're not scary at all. I'm not exactly eager to put my face in one, because that's my sexual preference, but I still have a fuckton of respect for every one that I meet, and you should, too.

You all know full well that you owe a vagina for your life. It's time to start showing some respect. I'm a gay man and a vagina warrior. Why the fuck aren't you?


  1. Oh my god the guy who says they're cold. What the fuck do you think I am, a corpse?!

  2. I know they're there. I just prefer not to think about them, either way.