I Popped My Cherry. Grove, That Is...

Ladies and gentlemen....

After many years of whining and moaning and longing and ranting, I have finally had...The Fire Island Experience.

People tried to console me throughout several summers and tell me that it was overrated...shallow...not the kind of people I want to be around. But you know what? I had a really good time!

Gone Fisting

As I wrote previously, Matt Knife and I (along with his lover-man) joined spooky and sparkly storyteller Dandy Darkly and his pervert parade for a little renegade performance at midnight in the Meat Rack (for those of you who aren't familiar, the Meat Rack is the boundary between Cherry Grove and the Pines. At night it becomes the ultimate cruising location. Yeah, t's pretty sketchy, but undeniably fascinating.) This was the main purpose of the voyage, but luckily we had enough time for me to experience a little bit of life in the Grove.

First of all, it's beautiful. The ferry lets you off in a pseudo-Downtown area packed with cute little shops and bars and restaurants. Just a few yards beyond that we found ourselves on a boardwalk surrounded by tall grass. On our way to our place we passed many adorable little houses, along with the incredibly pretentious but nonetheless beautiful Belvedere Hotel.

The house we stayed in was surrounded by a tall forest of bamboo. There was a deck in the back, fenced in by greenery, which allowed for plenty of privacy, which allowed tat to use the outdoor shower without offending anyone. (Don't ask me why, but I feel like the outdoor shower may have been one of my favorite things about the trip.)

The beach was also a wonderful experience. It's been a few years since I've been to a beach, but I don't think I've ever enjoyed a beach as much as this one. The whole clothing-optional aspect was a thrill in itself. One that I actively participated in, of course. If you've never been butt-naked in nature, you simply must. It's one of the most freeing feelings in the world. I was reminded of a joke I heard from a comedian a few years ago, saying that nude beaches are a lot less like the Spice Channel and more like the Discovery Channel. Sure, there were a few gentlemen whom I would not have chosen to see without clothing, but there was also an admirable supply of men whom I could have stared at all day...and I think it's safe to say a handful of them stared back.

I met a deer!

What constantly impressed me about the entire weekend, though, was the entire atmosphere of Cherry Grove. I had imagined an immense overpopulation of traditionally pretty people wandering around in next-to-nothing and judging everyone who lacked a six-pack, but I was incredibly wrong. The population of Cherry Grove was incredibly diverse in terms of body type, age, race, sex, and sexual orientation. I was amazed at the way people said "hello" to each other as they passed each other on the boardwalk in a completely non-cruisy way. If only these people were so friendly in the city, because it is safe to assume that most of these people do live in the New York City area.

As you can probably gather, I had an absolutely terrific weekend, and it could not have come at a better time. My only regret is that it didn't come sooner, because now that I've been to the Grove and have a better I idea of how the whole operation works, I can't wait to go back! Unfortunately I have neither the time nor the finances to make it happen again before the summer is out, but you'd better believe I'll be back again next year!

P.S. I lied. I have two regrets. The other is that I have to make some serious edits to "Fame Whore" now.