Straights in a Gay Land

The subject of straight people in gay bars has always been a tad touchy. However, it may just be me, but in recent weeks it seems that the topic has become especially hot. It's come up in blogs, magazines, and even normal conversation, and frankly, as a gay man with a large number of straight friends, it's putting me a bit on edge.

Brian Moylan published "An Etiquette Guide for Straight People in Gay Bars" yesterday on Vice.com, which left me feeling all kinds of uncomfortable. It does make some interesting, and occasionally valid points, but I would definitely not say this is a philosophy to live by.

If a heterosexual person saunters into a homosexual establishment without a homosexual escort, I do think it's reasonable to question their motives. I have never experienced this myself, but apparently all-female bachelorette party groups hauling their drunken posse to a gay bar is a thing, and I certainly would call that strange. Invasive, even. I understand that a lot of women feel more safe in a gay environment, and I understand why, but I do think that this type of scenario makes a bit of a mockery of our culture and treats us like cute little animals in a zoo. This is not something we enjoy. On a similar note, I have also heard of straight men coming into gay joints because they know that the competition for ladies will be slimmer, and that's just gross. No lady is going to want to get with you if that's how you roll.

The primary argument for most cases in the straight people/gay bar debacle is that straight guests interfere with us getting laid. I like to have sex as much (if not more) than the next guy, but I don't think it's fair to place responsibility for our sexual fortune in the hands of someone else. The solution is quite simple, really. If you are going out with the intention of getting laid, you know who will be supportive of this endeavor and who may impair it. Choose your companions wisely, go out and practice your right as an American to pursue happiness.

Meanwhile, hooking up might not be on the evening's agenda for some of us, so don't try to tell me I can't grab a drink with a gal pal at a gay bar just because it theoretically dampens your mojo. We ain't even talkin' to you.

And I do realize that there are some places that heterosexuals just should not enter, for their own mental well-being, like The Cock. There would be nothing polite about inviting your fag-hag to come to The Cock with you. Establishments like that are for dick and dick alone. You wouldn't invite your best squirrel-friend to watch you get a blowjob, would you? Didn't think so. Straight guys? Well, I can see why you might think that would be amusing, but no, that's not a kind move either. Let him turn to the dark side on his own time.

There are a lot of queer folk who it seems would like to keep their world completely separate from the straight world, and I just don't think that's healthy. For anyone. I get that we want our own spaces, and I get that it may seem like we've earned the right to discriminate back at them, but it's not productive to building a diverse community, and being unwelcoming to anyone really just makes us the bad guys all over again.

Besides, if we really want to keep straight people out of our clubs and bars, we should start by telling their owners to stop hiring straight bartenders. I think that's pretty intrusive.