Chronicles of an Intellectual Homosexual
Jul 23, 2014

The Kink Community Needs More Gay Men

Dear friends…

As of the start of this week, registration for Dark Odyssey’s SummerFest is now OPEN! This year, the event has been bumped up from late September to the prime slot of Labor Day weekend. If you like the idea of spending your Labor Day weekend surrounded by awesome and gorgeous naked people and participating in an assortment of kinky shenanigans, this is where you should be.

Dark Odyssey: SummerFestI’m talking to the gay dudes in particular here.

Why?

Well, because we need more of you. Not just at Dark Odyssey events, but in the kink community in general. While gay men are said to be the most sexually liberated humans on earth, they are tragically scarce in this culture.

And I completely understand why. We do have our own events. In New York, this might include Folsom Street East, the Black Party, and various monthly and bi-monthly sex parties. I can’t say I’ve experienced all of these events, but some of them I have enjoyed quite a bit. But the outside kink world has so much to offer that we don’t get at gay-specific kink events. There is a playfulness that you can’t find at the Black Party. There is an assurance of safety and consent that most party promotors would never bother with. There is an enormous array of incredible human beings that would never be allowed into these parties that you are most definitely missing out on.

There was a time when this kind of segregation was necessary, but now, you are in demand. And not just by me. Dozens of straight people and queer women have told me they wished these events had more gay men. They want us to be there. They want to welcome you into the home that they so kindly brought me into last year. (They also probably want to watch us fuck, but no pressure.)

If you dream of a weekend getaway where you can safely explore your sexual fantasies, away from all of the techno beats and club drugs, or simply just run around naked in nature, I strongly urge you to consider this event.

I mean, come on…I’ll be there. Naked.

Jul 21, 2014

Boundaries: They’re Real

Some folks might get the impression that I don’t have boundaries. Hell, sometimes I think I don’t have boundaries. I’m very open about my sexual experiences and interests, and I like a lot of contact, both verbal and physical…with the right people. But believe you me, I do have boundaries, and they got crossed in a big way last week.

Someone came into my place of work. They seemed pleasant enough, however timid. I answered some questions about masturbation sleeves, and that was pretty much the extent our our interaction. No names were exchanged. Nothing beyond the usual customer/salesperson stuff.

However, about five, maybe ten minutes after the customer left the store, I received a friend request on Facebook. From him. On both my profiles (Lucas and Lucky).

I know.

Now, this can mean one of two things.
1) That he knew who I was before he came in the store. (People…if you know who I am and you see me out in the real world, please say something. I like knowing that people pay attention to what I do, and it’s creepy when people email/tweet you and say they saw you somewhere when you didn’t know).
2) That he is very good at digging people up on social media in a short period of time.
Neither of these is particularly comforting.

Now, I know that I make a big of a spectacle of myself on the internet, and it’s really not that hard to find me if you know where to look, but as I mentioned already, I never told him either of my names. He claims he just found me on the store’s Facebook page, under people who ‘liked’ it, which I imagine would be quite a feat.

After a brief panic attack, and some discussions with my coworkers, I sent the customer a message, explaining that I was really uncomfortable with the interaction, and how I felt that my boundaries were not being respected. He was apologetic, and promised not to contact me again (which was a little more pathos than I needed but I really didn’t feel like taking the conversation further.)

Because sex educators do have boundaries. Lots of them. And we deserve to have them respected just like any other profession. Would you try to track down your salesperson at Old Navy to tell them how well those khakis fit you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Jul 13, 2014

Watch This: Frisky Business

Sex nerds… sit down. And get comfy, because you’re going to want to stay there for a while.

Frisky BusinessI don’t know how I’ve managed to be an affiliate for LoveHoney for three months without any knowledge of this, but there’s a documentary series about the company on Netflix and my nerd-boner is so massive it cannot be contained.

“Frisky Business” gives an inside look at the day-to-day operations of the largest sex toy company in the UK, from the brainstorming of new products, to customer phone calls, to the dreaded return process.

You might think it odd that I might spent my day working in this industry and then spent my Saturday night watching a documentary about it (honestly I hadn’t thought about it that way before writing this and now I’m freaking myself out a bit,) but there’s something about seeing other people in the world who just get what you do, and are showing others in a way that’s both informative and entertaining. Also hearing their adorable British accents talking about massive dongs is really precious.

If you want to get an idea of what my day job is like, watch this. If you already know everything about sex toys and love geeking out about them, watch this.

TRIGGER WARNING: Jelly rubber.

Jul 09, 2014

Attention Whore

A year or two ago, I decided to take a deeper look into my astrological chart. I’ve always known I was a Leo, and took quite a bit of pride in it! (Get it? Lion? Pride? Anyway…) Well, it turns out that not only is my Sun in Leo…so is my Moon. Leos are known for being self-centered and egotistical. I admit, I am a little self-centered, and like attention, but I like to think I’m also very considerate. Throw in my Scorpio Rising (the sign ruled by the genitals) and I’m just one big hot horny mess. I’m also a manticore, but that’s a whole other story.

All in all, I found this discovery hilarious, more in relation to my public presentation rather than how I actually perceive myself. I know that I can be a cocky sometimes, and I’m obviously an exhibitionist (in so many ways. But I also have a lot of insecurities, which I would like to think negates at least one of those proud-ass lions. However, my astrological makeup has been coming up an unusual amount in conversation lately, and responses have been…not what I would expect: Wide eyes. Knowing nods. Projected inner dialogues of “ME ME ME ME ME.” Nothing that says “Oh, no, you’re not like that at alllll.” So I’m like, “Fuck.”

Now, before you start rolling your eyes and ranting “astrology isn’t real!”, that’s not the point here, so keep reading. Or don’t. Your hit on the blog has already been counted, so whatever.

Something I’ve been struggling quite a lot with in recent months is the amount of attention I crave from my dates and playmates when we aren’t physically together. If I’m relatively close or intimate with someone, I like to know that they think of me every now and then when I’m not around, and not just when I’m staring them in the face (or fucking them in the ass, or…whatever). I don’t like to say that I require constant validation, but in a city full of flakes, a little more regularity would be nice. A text message every few days. A Facebook comment. Hell, even a ‘like’ helps. But suddenly, I find myself wondering if seeking more attention than I deserve.

Being a sex educator, I’ve been trying to get better at asking for what I want. Practice what you preach and all that. But I suddenly find myself worrying that I’m asking for more than my fair share. Am I right for trying to communicate to my loved ones that I want more of their time? Or am I being a greedy double-Leo and trying to hog the spotlight? What is the acceptable amount of attention one can expect from partners, potential partners, and playmates?