Hello...I'm the Entertainment

If you had asked me one year ago if I ever imagined that I would be hired to strip for a heterosexual bachelorette party, I would have laughed at you. Really hard. But this is a thing that happened last weekend. I (Lucky Charming) was hired as the token stripper for a bachelorette party.

I was hesitant at first. I have seen my fair share of bachelorette parties and bridal showers, and while some of them are quite civilized, others are nothing more than fluffy pink frenzies of phallus worship. Seriously...I cannot comprehend why someone would even want to behave as childishly as some of these women do on these occasions. Obviously my bachelor party is a long, LONG way off, but if you somehow merit an invitation, I will expect you to behave like an adult.

I asked them all the questions that you're probably asking right now: Have they seen a picture of me? Do they know what burlesque is? Do they realize that you're not Magic Mike? Believe you me...I grilled my hostess as much as I deemed appropriate about the event and the guests' familiarity with my medium. She insisted that she knew exactly what she was asking for. Also, I was recommended by a lady burlesquer friend, so I figured it couldn't be that terrifying.

And it wasn't! It was quite nice, actually! The party was held on a private rooftop in SoHo. They had the usual favors...pink plastic tiaras, penis straws...but otherwise they were a very calm, friendly, and down-to-earth bunch. I had been worried they might be...unimpressed...when I showed up, but when I walked through the door, the first thing I heard was "He's adorable!" Pretty sure that's the first time in the history of ever that a stripper has ever been called 'adorable' at a bachelorette party, but I'll take it!

After I did my number, I shook my booty for a bit, showed off my undies to the girls, had a glass of bubbly, and went on my merry way. It was a fun evening, and a great way to make some quick cash. Certainly not my ideal venue, but I'd definitely do it again.

So, uh...if anyone's got a bachelorette party that needs entertainment... Hi.

Crickets

As you may have noticed, I've been on a bit of a hiatus as of late. It was never planned, and it was never intentional, but ya know what? It was necessary. While you may not have seen me much on the blog, I have still been at the computer quite a bit. I honestly can't recall a time with the joints in my fingers did not ache.

June is probably going to be the busiest month that I've experienced in at least a year. With less than a month to go before I head to Toronto, it's time for me to dive into rehearsals for  VGL 5'4" Top. Normally this would be my greatest terror, but with two fringe festivals under my belt, VGL is actually the least of my concerns right now. The performance part of it, at least. The production aspect is noticeably more challenging, because this is by far the largest festival I've participated in yet. While the San Francisco Fringe and Frigid New York present around 30-35 plays in a season, the Toronto Fringe will be presenting 150 plays from all over the globe. The bad news is that this means this means each show gets much less individual attention from staff and press. The good news is...it looks like people actually come to this Fringe, so tickets may be easier to sell!

But there's a lot more that needs to be done before VGL opens on July 4th (Yup. Sorry America...I'm spending your birthday in Canada.) The week before I head north, I'll be going to Dark Odyssey's Fusion event in Darlington, Maryland. It's a summer camp retreat with a strong focus on fetish, and there I will be producing the Vaudeville Erotique (with much, much assistance from Bambi Galore) and teaching two brand new workshops of my own creation. Pressure's on? You bet.

I am also going to be heading to Toronto a little earlier than I had originally planned, because I'm going to be a special guest in Boylesque T.O.'s shiny new full-length burlesque show, "Class Dismissed" on June 29th. This is near orgasmic for me, because I have had massive crushes on all of these guys since I met them last year at the 1st Annual New York Boylesque Festival. Not only that, but it's also the day of Toronto Pride! Who's excited? THIS GUY.

So as you can see, I've got quite a lot on my plate, and as a result my creativity has been running pretty dry. To be honest with you, there have been days where I've wondered if I should lay my blog to rest now that my performance career is actually going somewhere. But during this accidental hiatus, there have been several instances that have reminded me why I do this, and how much affect and influence I actually have on my readers...namely a moment last week when we had an in-service with our vendors at the day job, and the representative of Laid singled me out, having seen my passionate ravings about my love of the P.2 cockring. That gave me a much-needed push to get back in the game with my sex toy reviews, and keep up my writing in general. 

So I'm gonna dry and get back to it. It may be a gradual process, but it's comin' sooner or later. In the meantime, if any frequent typers have a suggestion for how to soothe any achy typing fingers, I would be MUCH obliged.

Bloggers in Arms: The Amazing Exploding Woman

Hello friends!

Are you wondering what on earth you are to do with yourself during this increasingly frequent bursts of silence from yours truly? Well, look no further than my friend Iris Explosion's sparkly new blog The Amazing Exploding Woman. Not only is Iris a truly incredible burlesque performer, but she is an excellent writer as well. On The Amazing Exploding Woman, she addresses the topics of burlesque, feminism, sex education, nerdiness, and awesome stuff like that.

Watch out, y'all...cuz she's just gettin' started!

Very Good Looking? There's an App for That!

If you are a gay man who uses Facebook, it's very likely that the social network has suggested you like a new gay dating app called "VGL." When I first saw this pop up on my news feed, my reaction was a mix of horror and delight. Horror because the name and catchphrase ("For hot guys only!") was so unapologetically arrogant and grandiose, but delight because this is also hilarious in the worst way, kinda like Abercrombie & Fitch hating uncool people is hilarious in the worst way. And yes, I was also more than a little nervous about how this would affect publicity for my one-man show VGL 5'4" Top, until today when I realized that they only have 14 likes on their Facebook page and that I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

As awful as it all sounds, I absolutely had to try it out. Don't judge an app by it's cover?

I went through the standard procedure of creating an account...answering all the usual questions. Absolutely nothing new. The graphics were pretty good...I do enjoy an orange color scheme... but that was essentially the only thing setting it apart from Grindr and Scruff. Once my account was complete and I could properly use the thing, I discovered you can upload multiple photos and not have them all locked away in a private folder if you choose not to. That's a nice change.

As I perused the other users, I couldn't help but observe that the men on this app were no more attractive that the users of all the other apps. SHOCKING! They promise me the hottest men and I get the same ones as before! What gall! Sarcasm, of course. Not that I think they should, but they take no precautions to ensure that their demographic is in any way "hotter".

Also, there weren't many of them. Of course, when an app is new, there isn't going to be a substantial customer body, but it reminded me of the echoing abyss that was Google+ in its inception, but ya know...gayer.

Then, once the messages started trickling in, I discovered that "VGL" had committed the greatest crime in gay app design: THEY HAVE A 'REQUEST TO SEE PRIVATE PHOTOS' FUNCTION! Of the few messages I have received since downloading the app, about half of them are simply "Asking for permission to view private photos." Usually from someone several states away. No "Hello." No "How are you?" Just "LET ME SEE DICK." No thanks.

Several upgrades have been made since I downloaded, and yet nothing has been changed to make this worthwhile or more useful than any of the other apps I already have. Good. Now  I can delete this damn thing.

P.S. If you Google image search "VGL gay dating app," pictures of me pop up. I call that victory.

I Will Not Live in Fear

When I first announced that I was moving to New York nine years ago, some of the folks back home panicked. My parents' colleagues would approach them, aghast: "You're letting your son move to New York?" They, of course, still clung to that vision of Manhattan that was decades old...a place full of crime. But as West Michigan was not the most gay-friendly place, my parents thought it likely I would be safer in New York than in Michigan, and so did I.

In the eight years that I have lived in this city, I have never felt unsafe. There have been a few instances, of course, late at night with a few sketchy-looking faces on the street, but I have never been the slightest bit nervous about being myself and showing my true colors.

Never, that is, until a few weeks ago.

New Yorkers, particularly those of the queer variety, have undoubtedly caught wind of the scuffle that occurred near Madison Square Garden on Sunday, May 5th. But if you need a quick catch-up, here's the short version:
Nick Porto and Kevin Atkins were walking together, arm-in-arm, on 8th Ave between 34th and 35th Streets between the hours of 5:00-7:00 PM that day. A cluster of men in Knicks jerseys attacked the couple, using homophobic slurs, and left Nick with a broken nose and Kevin with a broken wrist.
Specifics can be found here.
If you would like to make a contribution to Nick and Kevin's medical bills, you can do so here.

Just a few days after that incident, and just a block or so away, another pair of gay men, Brian Ramirez and Asllan Berisha, were beaten up outside of a billiards club in the wee hours of the morning. Both men suffered serious facial injuries and one requires eye surgery. Last update says police were still trying to determine if the attacks were connected, but it's kind of hard to imagine that they wouldn't be.

On May 8th, a patron was coming out of Pieces Bar on Christopher Street. He was attacked by two men, again throwing anti-gay slur, as he tried to hail a cab. Luckily, this one was not severely injured.

And finally, late Friday night, Mark Carson was confronted on the street by a stranger with a gun, and the interacted ended with a fatal shot. The very mild good news is that the culprit was arrested shortly only about five blocks from the scene of the crime, but Carson's death has put a serious dent in the spirit of New York's LGBT community.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified. Even in my first year living in Manhattan I never really felt like I was at risk for an attack like this, but based on how these crimes are playing out, it's clear that it could happen to anyone one of us.

My own personal theory is that this is in response to the recent surge of Marriage Equality laws that are being passed across our country. Those who are anti-gay are frightened by the fact that so many of us are getting more rights so quickly, so they are seeking to stifle us once again. But I, along with the rest of the LGBT community, refuse to live in fear...especially when fear is what inspires acts like these to begin with. And if there's one thing we know how do to (and look awesome doing it) it's fighting back.

Dusty Childers is fabulous.

Last Thursday, direct action organization Queer Rising organized a "Take Back the Night" rally  to protest the attacks that had occurred in the previous week. The protest was peaceful, with about 150 people marching.

However, that was all before things escalated and Mark Carson was shot to death. The very next night, a vigil was held at the intersection in which Carson was shot, attended by hundreds.

I wish I had more details to share, but unfortunately I was not able to attend either event to show my support. That ends today, though. At 5:30 PM, LGBT folks and supports will be meeting at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center, and marching to scene of the crime where Mark Carson died several nights ago. A rally will begin there at 6:00. And I will most definitely be there.

And when all of this is over, I will be zipping uptown to see the Broadway Cares benefit production of "The Night Larry Kramer Kissed Me." Seems kind of appropriate to me.