Chronicles of an Intellectual Homosexual
Sep 01, 2014

KinkedIn: Another Camp Re-Cap

This afternoon I returned home from my final adventure for the summer: Dark Odyssey’s SummerFest. The conclusions of these events always involve a bucketful of feelings, and this time is no different. However, this time I returned home with a very different set, some of which are not so warm and fuzzy. I still had an awesome time, don’t get me wrong, but I left camp this morning feeling…unaccomplished…incomplete…and alarmingly frustrating.

Being a gay guy at a general kink event is always challenging. I’ve come to accept this. Very few of the men who come to these are interested in playing with men, and if they are, they often aren’t particularly open about it. Every now and then one of them throws a flirtatious comment my way, but even then I don’t really know what to do about it, because I comb the attendees list on Fetlife pretty thoroughly before each event and have a pretty good recollection of whose profile says “straight”.

At my last event I got better about approaching guys and expressing my interest, and on some occasions I actually scored a play date. But this time around, most (if not all) of the guys I would have approached were constantly in the company of a partner, which makes it very uncomfortable to hit on them, even in a sex-positive environment like this.

On top of that, most of them found opportunities to fuck openly in my field of vision. Exhibitionism and voyeurism are strongly encouraged at these events, which normally I am beyond satisfied with. But as I mentioned last week, I’ve been having some serious jealousy issues as of late, and watching the guys I’m lusting after play with other people right in front of my face made me grumpy, to say the least.

With my whining out of the way, some seriously awesome shit went down this weekend that I am super pleased about.

At the camp events, there is a kidnapping program, where victims can submit their kidnapping fantasies, and teams assemble to make them come to life. I had been thinking about signing up for the last year, and this time I finally decided to say ‘fuck it’ and see how it unfolds. I was really nervous about it, for several reasons. First, a guy asking for a team of guys to kidnap him is a bit of a bold move, for previously mentioned reasons. Also, I’m pretty damn vanilla in comparison to other attendees, so I was worried my fantasy would be a bit boring for the others. But a buddy of mine was a total rock star and made it happen, and we all had a terrific time. I’m undecided if I would do it again, but it taught me a lot about setting up a scene for myself and asking for what I want. I feel like I’m finally starting to get the hang of this kinky stuff.

My first class/event was a Pervert Show-&-Tell, where I encouraged campers to bring their favorite sexual plaything, tell us about it, and demonstrate it’s use for the class. I brought my beloved Laid P.2, and sang it’s praises, but I basically ended up being the most vanilla person in the room. We learned about one man’s penile implant, which can be pumped up to aid his erections. I didn’t even know that was a thing! Everyone had a great time, and I’m hoping to do it again at future events (hopefully during a time slot that follows cocktail hour).

I also taught an awesome class on prostate massage with Strap-On Jo. This being our second time teaching together, we are finding that we work very well together. She’s totally a bad-ass when it comes to butts, so I feel pretty bad-ass by association. And I’m excited to say that it looks like you’ll be seeing quite a bit of collaboration between us in the future. This class felt like a massive milestone for me in a lot of different ways. While I like to think I know a good deal about butts, I’ve only gotten to teach butt play at length a couple of times. And as this was a hands on class, I was a bit nervous about my own performance. I honestly don’t have a whole lot of experience penetrating butts with anything but my cock, but I managed to make one demo bottom’s butt very happy using my fingers and a Pure Wand. And I learned that I really like playing with butts with my hands and toys, and want to do more of it on my own time. But the most inspiring part of all was looking around at all of the participants having their prostates played with, and seeing the looks of bliss on their faces, and hearing the moans of pleasure coming from their throats. I’ve been teaching sex for over three years now, but it wasn’t until this summer that I actually got to see my lessons put to use, and I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes. Seeing the pleasure that I can bring to people’s lives gives me so much more pride in my job, and I’m really excited about what I will be doing with that in the future.

So yes, despite my grumpiness, I learned a lot about myself, my desires, and my skills at this event. And while the gratification was not immediate, I feel like I’ll be able to take what I learned this weekend and make future events infinitely more awesome. And also, make a lot of butts very happy.

 

Aug 27, 2014

Revenge of the Green-Eyed Monster

There was a time when I thought I had my jealousy under control.

I won’t deny that I am, by nature, a pretty jealous person, and I am most definitely not proud of it. But once I became a sex educator, and read all of the relevant literature on the matter, I got better at locating the source of my jealousy and learned how to properly process my feelings, or otherwise remove myself from the situation entirely.And I was a much happier person. I slept better at night. I was better at being supportive and happy for others. It just made me more pleasant.

But it seems that I’ve experienced a bit of regression in the last year or so, and my feelings of jealousy have come back with a vengeance.  The situation used to be that if I felt that I was getting the amount of attention that I wanted from a person, I wouldn’t be concerned about the attention they gave to others. Although I’ve not yet managed to participate in a non-monogamous relationship, I was comfortable with the idea of opening up my last few relationships because I felt confident in my partners’ feelings for me; I knew I was on their minds and that I was a priority for them, so if they fucked someone else (they never would, but if they did) I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

When it came to casual sex, it was obvious that I was fucking plenty of other people, so I would have no issue with knowing my playmates were fucking other people. Sometimes we would even swap stories about our other trysts before sex as a form of foreplay, or afterward as a post-coital denouement.This has not been the case lately.

While I am still as sexually active as ever, with a small assortment of sexual partners, it seems my ego would prefer to pretend that none of my playmates are fucking anyone else. Even when the fuck buddy is a good friend. Evey when my playmate tells me I’m one of the best fucks he’s ever had (it happens). Even when I go to kink events, where it is essentially a given that everyone is fucking everyone (safely, of course), I still experience a great deal of jealousy, even when the person in question is someone that I already have played with.

I’ve spent the last few months trying to pinpoint the source of my resurfacing jealousy, and this time it’s much more difficult. The reason for jealousy is generally some sort of lack of satisfaction. My sexual needs are being met well enough, so the only answer that I can come up with is something that I think is very obvious, but that I’ve been afraid to admit: I might not want to be single anymore.

This is rough for me, because most of the time, I like being single. And I like liking being single. But lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally unfulfilled, and I fear the only solution is someone who I know will always be happy to see me and will cuddle me on a regular basis.

Maybe I just need a dog.

Aug 22, 2014

Boston, Burlesque, and a Boat Full of Strippers

Wow. I haven’t updated this in a while! Apologies, folks, and thanks for keeping the traffic up! My reason for this is that, well…I haven’t been here. I was out of town without computer all of last week, the latter part of which I spent in Boston.

Alternatease 2014Why was I in Boston, you ask? ‘Tis a fair question, because I am finding more and more reasons to go to Boston these days, but the occasion for this trip was that my alter ego Lucky Charming was returning for the second annual New England Neo-Burlesque Festival, Alterna-Tease! One year and one day ago I made my wish in writing that I would return for it’s second year (read the re-cap if you don’t believe me) and I am more thrilled than even imagined that it came true.

The bad news is that I had to miss the first night, The New England Clam Bake, so I don’t have many words to say about the opening shenanigans, except that I heard beautiful, amazing things, and saw some stellar photos. I was grateful, though, that these year I got to perform at the TA-TAs, the Alterna-Tease Awards Spectacular. Ya know, because I’m a motherfucking competitive Leo who likes to win shit. Well, I didn’t win shit, but I felt like I did, goddamn it. I went up on that gorgeous, gigantic stage at Club Oberon (seriously, it’s a New York performer’s wet dream) and gave one of my best stripteases (possibly THE best) of my life, and I felt sexy as fuck doing it, and it sure-as-hell sounded like the audience agreed with me. Not only that, but I got to share the stage with a fuckton of other artists that inspire the bajeezus out of me. The list is too long to name them all, but honorable mentions include my fellow New Yorkers Matt Knife, Fancy Feast, Ula Uberbusen, Bunny Buxom, and Dot Mitzvah, and Alterna-Tease producers Femme Brulee, Lolli Hoops, and Jane Doe. The entire cast gave me mad art-boners, though, and I can’t stop telling people how glad I am the this festival exists.

Lucky Charming - Alternatease

Photo by Jonathan Beckley

The following day, I joined my fellow performers on a very special Boston Duck Tour, hosted by Friday night’s emcee, Mehran. Rather than the usual Boston history you would learn on such a tour, we learned things like “This is MIT, where nerrrrds come to dance,” or “These construction workers are also strippers,” or “Here’s Pizzeria Uno, where you can get diabetes.” We were all sore from laughter halfway through. If you are in New York, you should learn that Mehran recently moved from Boston to New York, and you should check. him. out. The man is one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, and I mean that.

We then processed onward to a very exclusive performers-only pool-party, which of course was a blast. Strippers…a pool…a grill…you really can’t go wrong. But you would be very surprised how much clothing stayed on our persons. I guess we are capable of being semi-classy. Except of course when we’re talking about grilling up buns and wieners. Then we’re children again.

In case it hasn’t become clear to you already, I really love this community, so I decided to stay an extra day and chill with the locals. On Sunday night, I went to see a show put on by the Slaughterhouse Sweethearts, Boston’s horror-themed burlesque troupe. I, myself, am not a fan of horror, but I am a fan of many of the troupe’s members, and would dream of passing up an opportunity to get them in all their glory. And they were off the hook. All of the burlesque that I have seen in Boston has been more than just a little show in the back of a bar. They make it a grand-scale theatrical experience, and by doing so, they also make me salivate. Mmmm…burlesque on big stages with fancy lights…yummy.

Luckily, I will be returning to Boston in just over a month to partake in a show of this nature. I’ll be a special guest in the “Best of Sirlesque”, Boston’s all-male burlesque troupe. They are super-gorgeous and super-sweet and super-talented and oh my god can it just be September 26th already?

I leave you with a quote from our drunken duck tour docent, Mehran:
“Look at the air. Look at America. Look at our lives. Look at the choices we’ve made … I know we’ve all gone through one period in our lives where we’re like ‘why didn’t I go down the straight-and-narrow?’ It’s because of fucking moments like this. Where the breeze is on you…you’re in a room, you’re on a bus, you’re on a boat… and you’re wasted, you’re stoned, with beautiful, good, creative people. These are the moments. These are the goddamn moments. Never forget, you chose wisely! You chose wisely, goddamn it.”

This, my friends, sums up my weekend (and my life) pretty goddamn perfectly.

…Can I do it again?

Aug 08, 2014

From the Toy Box: Bedtime Vibrating Butt Plug

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Aug 05, 2014

On Birthday Sex

Yesterday was my birthday. My 28th, to be exact. This marks the start of my 13th year as an openly gay man, and my 10th as a sexually active one. And on the eve of this birthday, I realized something shocking: I had never had birthday sex.

Okay, I didn’t just realize. I’ve been noticing it annually for the last five years or so, and kept hoping it would change. There was only one year in the mix when I had a significant other, but even then it didn’t happen (#drunkypoo). When you’re single it’s a little harder, because if you’re going to get some, you want to make sure you pick the perfect person. You don’t really want to do it with someone brand new, because if they aren’t a good lover? Birthday = ruined. Maybe it’s the Leo in me talking, but I firmly believe that your birthday should always be about you. Therefor, if you are going to get laid, you should do it with someone who wants to give it to you exactly how you want it. This…is not always an easy task.

The main obstacle, though, has been the fact that I never really asked for birthday sex. One of the first pieces of advice I received as a sex educator was “Ask for what you want… You’ll usually get it.” And during the other 364 days out of the year, I’ve been pretty good at it (not that I actually get laid that many days out of the year.) I think part of me felt superficial for wanting it. I should be celebrating with my friends, and doing things I don’t get to do all of the time, right? But honestly, it’s one of my favorite things in the world to do, so why shouldn’t I do it?

I guess I assumed because I’m me that everyone knew I wanted to get laid for my birthday, and that they would jump at the opportunity to be my birthday fuck, but year after year, I got zero offers. That is, until I blurted out “I’ve never had birthday sex” on assorted social media outlets. Just to vent, not to solicit any propositions or anything.

Anyway, long story short: achievement unlocked.

And it was good. Not mindblowingly better than it usually would have been, but my buddy spoiled me a little bit, and I went to bed a happy birthday boy.

Some folks have said birthday sex is overrated. As I mentioned above, I think there is plenty of room for failure in the birthday sex department. But, if you plan accordingly, and if you keep the right company, I think one can maximize their birthday to its greatest potential using the power of sex. And that’s what I plan to do. From now on, when my birthday is coming up, I know to ask for what I want.