Yesterday was my birthday. My 28th, to be exact. This marks the start of my 13th year as an openly gay man, and my 10th as a sexually active one. And on the eve of this birthday, I realized something shocking: I had never had birthday sex.
Okay, I didn’t just realize. I’ve been noticing it annually for the last five years or so, and kept hoping it would change. There was only one year in the mix when I had a significant other, but even then it didn’t happen (#drunkypoo). When you’re single it’s a little harder, because if you’re going to get some, you want to make sure you pick the perfect person. You don’t really want to do it with someone brand new, because if they aren’t a good lover? Birthday = ruined. Maybe it’s the Leo in me talking, but I firmly believe that your birthday should always be about you. Therefor, if you are going to get laid, you should do it with someone who wants to give it to you exactly how you want it. This…is not always an easy task.
The main obstacle, though, has been the fact that I never really asked for birthday sex. One of the first pieces of advice I received as a sex educator was “Ask for what you want… You’ll usually get it.” And during the other 364 days out of the year, I’ve been pretty good at it (not that I actually get laid that many days out of the year.) I think part of me felt superficial for wanting it. I should be celebrating with my friends, and doing things I don’t get to do all of the time, right? But honestly, it’s one of my favorite things in the world to do, so why shouldn’t I do it?
I guess I assumed because I’m me that everyone knew I wanted to get laid for my birthday, and that they would jump at the opportunity to be my birthday fuck, but year after year, I got zero offers. That is, until I blurted out “I’ve never had birthday sex” on assorted social media outlets. Just to vent, not to solicit any propositions or anything.
Anyway, long story short: achievement unlocked.
And it was good. Not mindblowingly better than it usually would have been, but my buddy spoiled me a little bit, and I went to bed a happy birthday boy.
Some folks have said birthday sex is overrated. As I mentioned above, I think there is plenty of room for failure in the birthday sex department. But, if you plan accordingly, and if you keep the right company, I think one can maximize their birthday to its greatest potential using the power of sex. And that’s what I plan to do. From now on, when my birthday is coming up, I know to ask for what I want.
Guess what, bloggy-friends? My birthday is next week! And this year I’m giving myself the same gift as last year. You know what that means, right? Yup…
DIRTY POP is back!
I will be honoring my 28th year of existence with another burlesque tribute to boy-bands, and if you are in New York City, you should seriously check it out…not only because it’s awesome, or because it’s my birthday, but because it will be the FINAL installment of Powerstrip.
Yes, I am sorry to say that my monthly run at The Celebration of Whimsy has come to a close. I am hoping to relocate and rebrand in the next few months, but for now this is goodbye, and I have every intention of going out with a bang!
Wednesday, August 6th, 2014
Doors: 7:30, Showtime: 8:00
21-A Clinton Street,
between Stanton and Houston
Call to make reservations: 917-972-9394
Hope to see you there!
People have been asking me for months what my feelings are about PrEP, and for months I have been withholding commentary. To be honest, I’ve been a little bit out of the loop on it, which is an odd thing for a sex educator to say, I know, but I didn’t want to express any opinion until I felt confident that it was a thoroughly informed one.
Well, now that “Cootie Catcher” is gradually gaining lift-off, and everyone is talking about that article in New York Magazine, I’ve taken some time to school myself on the matter so that I could properly speak on it.
Overall, I think it’s a good thing. I mean…obviously. Any step that we take towards ending the virus is most certainly a positive move. I, personally, am not on PrEP, and I don’t plan to be at any point in the near future (At this point, HIV is the least of my concerns when it comes to STIs, but more on that later), but for some people, this is a much-needed resource and it’s about fucking time they got it.
But as is the case with all drugs, it can be abused, and I am terrified that that’s exactly what the majority of its users are going to do with it. I still don’t understand why, but guys (gay ones in particular, it seems) are always looking for an excuse to avoid condoms.
I have actually read and heard people saying that they don’t feel like they need condoms any more because they have a pill to fight off HIV. Pornographers who once swore they would never produce bareback porn (*cough* MICHAEL LUCAS *cough cough*) have decided that it’s now perfectly fine to start producing titles like “Loving Him Raw” and “Barebacking in Budapest”. Charming.Way to show your responsible side, Mikey.
A lot of folks are comparing it to Plan B, which I think is perfectly accurate: like Plan B, it eliminates one problem. But what about the rest? I’m infuriated by heterosexuals who think that birth control makes it perfectly okay to ditch the condom. When my female friends tell me they’re having condomless sex because they’re on the pill, I take it very personally, because to me that sounds like they’re implying that STIs are my problem, not theirs. There are plenty of menaces out there that can be transmitted during sex. Birth control combats one of them. Truvada combats one of them. Condoms combat all of them. I’m definitely keen on the latter.
Guess what folks: I’ve had gonorrhea. I’ve had HPV. These fuckers are real. And there isn’t a pill out there that could have prevented me from catching those (Okay, maybe Gardasil, but I wasn’t aware it was available to men until after the fact, and even if I had taken it, there’s no way of telling if it would have caught my particular strain or not). And not everything else is easily curable either. What about that strain of gonorrhea that’s resisting antibiotics? I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely lost some sleep over that beast.
Have we seriously convinced ourselves that sex with a condom is worse than no sex at all? From the way some guys talk about them, it’s like they’re offended by their existence. Really dudes…they’re nothing personal. I wish we didn’t need them either, but we do. We should take pride in protecting our bodies. Partaking in unprotected sex is simply disrespectful to yourself. Treat your bodies like the motherfucking temples they are, wrap your dicks up, and stop being whiny little bitches.
In short, PrEP is an excellent method of extra protection; it is not a replacement for responsibility. It’s the armor you wear over your chainmail. If you just wear the armor, there are still plenty of exposed tender areas where you could get stabbed. Feel safer, but be smarter.
As of the start of this week, registration for Dark Odyssey’s SummerFest is now OPEN! This year, the event has been bumped up from late September to the prime slot of Labor Day weekend. If you like the idea of spending your Labor Day weekend surrounded by awesome and gorgeous naked people and participating in an assortment of kinky shenanigans, this is where you should be.
Well, because we need more of you. Not just at Dark Odyssey events, but in the kink community in general. While gay men are said to be the most sexually liberated humans on earth, they are tragically scarce in this culture.
And I completely understand why. We do have our own events. In New York, this might include Folsom Street East, the Black Party, and various monthly and bi-monthly sex parties. I can’t say I’ve experienced all of these events, but some of them I have enjoyed quite a bit. But the outside kink world has so much to offer that we don’t get at gay-specific kink events. There is a playfulness that you can’t find at the Black Party. There is an assurance of safety and consent that most party promotors would never bother with. There is an enormous array of incredible human beings that would never be allowed into these parties that you are most definitely missing out on.
There was a time when this kind of segregation was necessary, but now, you are in demand. And not just by me. Dozens of straight people and queer women have told me they wished these events had more gay men. They want us to be there. They want to welcome you into the home that they so kindly brought me into last year. (They also probably want to watch us fuck, but no pressure.)
If you dream of a weekend getaway where you can safely explore your sexual fantasies, away from all of the techno beats and club drugs, or simply just run around naked in nature, I strongly urge you to consider this event.
I mean, come on…I’ll be there. Naked.